


Truth

by Clarisse (transnymphtaire)



Category: Dear Evan Hansen - Pasek & Paul/Levenson
Genre: Canon Compliant, Implied/Referenced Suicide, M/M, POV Second Person
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-07-10
Updated: 2017-07-10
Packaged: 2018-11-30 13:23:20
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 581
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11464470
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/transnymphtaire/pseuds/Clarisse
Summary: You can barely remember the truth because of all the lies.





	Truth

**Author's Note:**

> I've had this idea for a while, and finally decided to write it.

_So you broke your arm with him? At an orchard? See, you told me that you broke your arm at work, at the park._

Your mum’s words echo repeatedly in your head as you stare at your arm. The cast has been taken off, and there’s no proof of you ever breaking it in the first place. You’re no longer sure how you broke it. The story has been told and changed so many times that you can’t remember the truth.

Did you follow Connor up a tree at the orchard? Did you climb one foot after the other; one branch then another until the sun shone on your face? Did the branch give way? Did you fall? Or… or did you climb a tree in the park, with the intention to let go when you got high enough? Was there anyone around, did you really crash, did you even make a sound?

You feel like you could fall and no one would hear, but is it a new feeling or is it one you’ve already had so many times that it turned suffocating?

There are so many questions running through your head that you lose yourself in the in between. It takes a moment before you register the tears running down your cheeks, and they way that you have been staring into thin air. Your arm long since moved as you started hugging yourself to fight against the overwhelming feelings.

Living a lie hurts but you’ve trapped yourself and you can no longer find your way out. You wish that you would have broken your arm at the orchard with Connor, that he would’ve waited with you in the emergency room but- but you never knew Connor, did you?

“Of course you did,” Connor says as he sits down beside you. You wipe away your tears and turn to look at him, although he’s not really there. How can he be, when he’s dead? Dead, as you should be. As you wish you were.

“Leave me. You’re not real,” you answer, and turn your gaze away from him, towards the ceiling. Glow-in-the-dark stars look back down at you. Stars that you put up to distract you from your anxiety whenever your room was engulfed in darkness. They look tacky now when the room is so much lighter than you feel.

“Aren’t I?”

The question sounds so innocent that you have to turn your head back towards Connor just to blink at him. Of course he isn’t real- the real Connor is dead, and the one sitting on your bed is made up of lies and false letters. You may wish that he was real, but he isn’t. You know that.

Or you think that you know that. Sometimes you’re not sure.

“Connor is dead,” you say slowly, trying to orientate your way through the maze of lies. “We talked twice. He pushed me. He signed my cast. He stole my letter.”

“We were best friends,” the not-real Connor counters. “We exchanged letters. I drove you after you broke your arm, I signed your cast. I love you.”

“But you didn’t! And you don’t!” You can’t help but yell. Connor flinches slightly, and you’re thankful that your mum isn’t home to hear you.

“You’re a lie,” you continue and hide your head in your hands. You feel exhausted, trying to keep the lies separated from the truth.

“Only because you’re scared of the truth.”

Connor isn’t there when you look up.

**Author's Note:**

> ...there might be a touch too many song references.
> 
> Maybe I should write a happy fic for this fandom.


End file.
